Funny Answering Machine Recordings

Download links for Funny Answering Machine Recordings:

• [DOWNLOAD] Funny Answering Machine Recordings | HOT

  Get in touch with us and we'll talk Hi, I am a machine. If you hate talking to me, why have you called? I am, you-know-who. Leave your, you-know-what and you-know-when. Bye bye. I am not at home but my answering machine is. You can talk to my...

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• [FREE] Funny Answering Machine Recordings | updated!

  I have never understood why they take so long to convey simple messages. I have decided to keep my message short and sweet. I hope other answering machines also adopt my answering strategy. And all you callers will be relieved from listening to...

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• Collection Of Funny Phone Jokes. Amusing Telephone Calls

  Testing 1…, 2…, 3. This is a test of the Answering machine broadcast system. It is only a test. We are extremely busy right now. If you leave your name and number with our machine, you may have some chances of getting our call. You are requested to leave your name, number, and message. You still have a right to remain silent. However, if you choose the first option, everything you say will be recorded and used by us.

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• Funny Answering Machine Outgoing Messages...

  The decision is yours. We are in the middle of a discussion on how to tackle irritating callers who keep calling us when we are unavailable and leave messages on our answering machine. What are you? My owner is neither busy nor away. He is very much free to take your call. But he does not want to take it. I am his answering machine. You can leave your name, number, and message with me. I doubt, if he will ever call you back. You can add the flavor of fun and humor to your telephone calls through the use of funny voice mails and answering machine messages. You can devise some innovative voice mail ideas for your answering machine. Just make sure that you do not hurt the sentiments of your callers in any way. Keep the humor healthy and your callers are sure to have a hearty laugh and appreciate your wit.

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• 12 Fun & Professional Business Voicemail Greetings For 2021

  John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets. No2: Hello, this is Ron's toaster. Ron's new answering machine is in the shop for repairs, so please leave your message when the toast is done No3: Hello, this is Sally's microwave. Her answering machine just eloped with her tape deck, so I'm stuck taking her calls.

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• 15 Hilariously Funny Voicemail Ideas – Make Yours Like These

  Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone. No4: Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep. No5: You know what I hate about answering machine messages? They go on and on, wasting your time. I mean, all they really need to say is, "We aren't in, leave a message. I pledge to you, my caller, that you will never have to suffer through another long answering machine message when you call me. No6: Drawling granny voice: Way back inna winner of fifty-two, we didn' have fanshy gadjets like no ansherin' machine. You jusht had to call and call until shummbody got home. Now, shum people, dey shay dey don' like 'em, but I shay it'll shave you a lotta trouble if you jusht leave a meshage. Thanksh a lot. No7: You have reached We picked this machine up at a garage sale in "as-is" condition. You can try to leave a message on it, but we are not sure it will be recorded.

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• 100 Of The Funniest Thing To Put On Your Answering Machine Theard

  If we don't return your call, it means the machine did not work. No8: Hi, this is John's answering machine. He's not here, but I'm open to suggestions. You are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through the office and don't need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you. No9: Thank you for calling If you wish to speak to Tim, push 1 on your touch tone phone now. If you wish to speak to Lynn, push 2 on your touch tone phone now. If you have a wrong number, push 3 on your touch tone phone now.

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• 39 Humorous And Witty Voicemail Greetings

  All of this button pushing doesn't do anything, but it is a good way to work off anger, and it makes us feel like we have a big time phone system. No Very fast: Hi, this is If you want to leave a message, please wait for the tone. If you want to leave your name and number, please press pound, press 3, then dial your name, then press 6 and dial your number. If you want to leave your name and just a message, press star, press 6, ask for extension , then leave your name and message. If you want to leave your number and the time you called, please press star twice, spin in a circle, press 1 twice, talk loud and BEEP No "You have called If you are my mom, I will write you as soon as I can, I promise. If you are my son, sorry, I am broke too. If you are a friend, leave a message after the tone. If you are a salesman After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call. No In a bored voice: Heaven, God speaking No Hello, epicenter of the Universe, God speaking.

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• Funny Answering Machine & Voicemail Messages

  If you leave your name, number, and prayer after the tone, I will call you back as soon as I can. Please note that I answer all prayers, but sometimes the answer is NO. Bless you, my child, and have a nice day. No Hello, this is Death. I am not in right now, but if you leave your name and number, I'll be right with you. We know how you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up.

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• Funny Voicemail

  No Hello. I'm home right now but cannot find the phone. Please leave a message and I will call you up as soon as I find it. No I can't come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel stupid talking to people I don't remember. I'd appreciate it if you could help me out by leaving my name and telling me something about myself. No I can't come to the phone right now because I'm down in the basement printing up a fresh new batch of twenty dollar bills.

  https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/ED324674.pdf

• Read Some Very Funny Answering Machine Messages

  If you need any money, or if you just want to check out my handiwork, please leave your name, number, and how much cash you need after the tone. If you're from the Department of the Treasury, please ignore this message. No Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you. No Hi there. This is Joe speaking.

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• 88 Creative Answering Machine Messages

  I'm home right now, and in a moment, I'll have a decision to make. Leave your name and number and I'll be thinking about it No Bob here. I'm home right now, I'm just screening my calls. So start talking and if you're someone I want to speak with I'll pick up the phone. Otherwise, well, what can I say? No This is Dan Cassidy's answering machine. Please leave your name and number, and after I've doctored the tape, your message will implicate you in a federal crime and be brought to the attention of the FBI.

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• Seven Best Business Voicemail Greetings

  Your voice patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored for later use. Once this is done, our computers will be able to use the sound of YOUR voice for literally thousands of illegal and immoral purposes. There is no charge for this initial consultation. However our staff of professional extortionists will contact you in the near future to further explain the benefits of our service, and to arrange for your schedule of payment. Remember to speak clearly at the sound of the tone. Thank you. No Hello, this is David.

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• More Funny Voicemail Greetings

  I don't live here, so if you were trying to call me, you've dialed the wrong number. On the other hand, if you were trying to call John, Jim, or Eric, please leave your name and number at the tone. I don't guarantee that one of them will call you back -- only that I won't. No Deadpan voice: Hi, This is Dave. Please leave a message as soon as possible and I'll get back to you at the sound of the tone. No Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now.

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• Free Voicemail & Answer Machine Messages

  Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back. No Hello, this is Ron. I'm not home right now, but I can take a message. Hang on a second while I get a pencil. Open a drawer and shuffle stuff around. OK, what would you like me to tell me? No We're sorry. You have reached an imaginary number. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again. No I don't want to bore you with metaphysics, but how do you know this is an answering machine? Maybe it's a dream, or maybe it's an illusion, or maybe YOU don't really exist. One way to find out is to leave a message, and if it's reality, I will call you back.

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• Funny Answering Machine Messages - Tech Spirited

  Want to know the best part? You can try using them in your answering machine or voice mailbox life. Wait for the beep. Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up. Please leave a message and I will call you up as soon as I find it. This is funny! If you need any money, or if you just want to check out my handiwork, please leave your name, number, and how much cash you need after the tone. Hi there. This is Joe speaking. Hello, this is Death. Your voice patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored for later use. Once this is done, our computers will be able to use the sound of your voice for literally thousands of illegal and immoral purposes.

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• 15 Professional Voicemail Greetings To Engage Your Callers

  There is no charge for this initial consultation. However, our staff of professional extortionists will contact you in the near future to further explain the benefits of our service, and to arrange for your schedule of payment. Remember to speak clearly at the sound of the tone. Thank you. Hello, this is David. On the other hand, if you were trying to call John, Jim, or Eric, please leave your name and number at the tone. Hi, this is George. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back. Hello, this is Ron. Hang on a second while I get a pencil. Open a drawer and shuffle stuff around. OK, what would you like me to tell me? This is his refrigerator. Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone. This is not an answering machine. This is a telepathic thought-recording device. Your eyelids are getting heavy.

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• 8 Funny Voicemail Ideas | Funny, Voicemail, Voicemail Greeting

  You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone, you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message. What are you? Now you say something. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. We love to hear your comments about this post. Please leave a comment below, and let me know what you think!

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• Funny Voicemail Messages For Answering Machine Greetings

  Funny e-mail forwards, jokes, silly stuff and more. Visit often for the latest funny e-mails! Creative Voicemail Messages Roses are red, some willows weep, please leave your message, after the beep. So leave your name and number at the tone. Sorry that we're not at home. Hi, you have reached the Borg collective. Please leave your name and star system and we'll assimilate you as soon as we can. Hey guess who this is? You guessed it. Guess what you have to do now? Guess what's next? Roses are red, violets are blue. Sugar is sweet, and so are you. The roses have wilted, the violets are dead. The sugar bowl's empty, and so is your head. The roses stink, sorta like sheep.

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• 15 Hilariously Funny Voicemail Ideas - Make Yours Like These - Social Mettle

  But leave your name, number, and message after the beep. The roses are molding, the violets are rotten. And I might call you back, if I haven't forgotten. We might be in, we might be out, but leave a message and you might find out. I'm sorry, you're gonna have to speak up, I can't hear you. That's because I'm not home. Leave a message. You are dazed, bewildered, trapped in a world with no time, where color collides with sound, and shadows explode. You see a sign up ahead. This is no ordinary answering device; this is "The Twilight Phone. If you don't wish this call to be monitored or recorded, then please let the answering machine know when you leave your message.

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• Funny Voicemail Greetings By Celebrities

  This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money. Talk to the phone, the face ain't home, please leave a message, after the tone. Go away, leave me alone, please leave a message, after the tone. These words are lovely dark and deep, But I've got promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep. So leave a message at the beep. Sorry you can't get through. Leave your name and your number and I'll get back to you. Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us. Roses are red, boogers are green, please leave your message on this stupid machine.

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• 12 Fun & Professional Business Voicemail Greetings For

  So long as phones can ring and eyes can see, leave a message, and I'll get back to thee. Now I lay me down to sleep; leave a message at the beep. If I should die before I wake, remember to erase the tape. A bubble in the space-time continuum has connected your line to a channeler in the 23rd Century. Any message you leave will be broadcast into the future. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So leave a message. After the tone, leave your name, number, and tell where you left the money.

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• Funny & Interesting Email Forwards: Creative Voicemail Messages

  I'll get back to you as soon as it's safe for you to come out of hiding. Alpha Centauri Space Station. Commander Marlin can't come to the phone right now. He's either saving the universe from some dread, unnamed peril, or perhaps taking a nappie. Leave your name and number after the beep and he will return your call. Already know who you are and why you've called, please hang up and after we will tell each other everything. Andy Warhol said that one day everyone will be famous for 15 minutes. Well, your 15 minutes was last week, but since you weren't ready, we gave it to Vanna White. As the drugs take hold, you feel you are losing your grip on reality.

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  You begin to hallucinate. You see a telephone, the telephone is next to an answering machine. You hear a faint click and a light flashes on the answering machine. You hear a beep. Ask not for whom the bell tolls, just leave a message. Being reincarnated as an answering machine is the pits. Keep your karma clean by leaving your name, number, message, and the time that you called. Bob here. I'm home right now, I'm just screening my calls.

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